Tag Archives: self-esteem

The Resilience Fallacy

“Don’t worry, she’ll bounce back. Children are resilient!”

boy child clouds kid

Photo by Porapak Apichodilok on Pexels.com

Over the years, through divorce, moving, kids’ changing schools, new relationships, issues with friends, various diagnoses, etc., that adage and similar advice has been doled out to me like so much candy on Hallowe’en.

Although assuming that children will bounce back after trauma or even minor incidents may sound innocent enough and even reassuring, it can be a dangerous assumption.

What is Resilience?

Psychological resilience is the ability to cope with a crisis or to return to pre-crisis status quickly. Resilience exists when the person uses “mental processes and behaviors in promoting personal assets and protecting self from the potential negative effects of stressors”. Wikipedia

Building resiliency in children is vitally important and it’s a skill that can make a critical and positive difference in your child’s life.

Here are some methods that can help:

Let them solve their own problems:

While we might want to jump in and “save” our children from falls (literal or metaphorical), it’s vitally important that kids learn how to defend themselves, stand up for themselves and others, and find ways of coping in difficult situations.

Of course, this isn’t a way to opt out of helping your children or forcing them to make bad decisions because they don’t understand the options but rather it’s a way for them to test their own skills in order to help build up their self-esteem and self-confidence.

Be a living example:

Through your words and actions, show children how you deal with problems in your workplace, with your own friends, in your neighbourhood, etc. – and also how you dealt with different situations as a child.

I find watching movies or reading books about how children deal with minute or massive problems teaches them context. For instance, my partner and I watched the movie “Lion” a few days ago and I can’t wait to watch it again with my children for both its cinematic brilliance and the incredible story-line and ending. (I won’t add too much here in case you haven’t seen it. Please do!)  My daughter is also into learning about Anne Frank – and of course there is plenty of context provided with her amazing and courageous story.

Be there for them

This may sound contradictory to the above advice but it’s not. To me (and I am certainly not perfect at this and fail regularly) it’s about trying to be there for my kids when they really need me and not hanging them out to dry. So, let’s say, your child had a bad day or was bullied at school or saw something that made them uncomfortable. Ask them about it, try to help them solve the problem, be sympathetic and perhaps brainstorm possible solutions.

Something that seems to work for me is asking my kids, “Do you want me to talk to the teacher about that?” if it’s a problem related to school. They almost always say no. Even though they often don’t want me to step in, I feel like asking my children if they’d like me to intervene puts the power back in their hands. Note: Occasionally, I do talk to teachers or principals if I feel it’s important to step in!

Get out there

Whether it’s volunteering, building leadership skills or travelling, getting outside of one’s comfort zone can build resiliency by providing new experiences and challenges.

Travelling has been one of the single most defining aspects of my life. Not only has travelling to other regions and countries allowed me to experience new worlds, but the lead-up of researching trips, booking hotel or hostel reservations and flights (even as a teenager) and asking strangers for assistance has helped to develop my self-esteem and resilience. Meeting people from different cultures and backgrounds also provides context and perspective to consider when faced with a difficult situations.

ball shaped blur close up focus

Photo by Porapak Apichodilok on Pexels.com

If you are able to volunteer and/or travel with your family, you might ask your children to help research the non-profit organization or new region, point out aspects affected by war or strife, talk to locals, learn a new language or a new skill. In any case, if you are travelling by plane, train or automobile, everyone will have to learn to be patient, creative and innovative together when faced with inevitable travel delays!

What tools have you used to help your children build resilience? What happened in your own childhood that helped you face adversity? I’d love to hear from you.

Update from May

I’d also like to provide a quick update on “No Money May” since it’s now June. I’ve recently had surgery so was forced into a no spending mode for the last part of the month. Overall, I’ll give myself a “7” on a scale of 1 to 10 for not spending frivolously. I heard from other people who were going to try No Money May too. If you did it, how did it work out for you?

Feel free to comment at bottom or write to me privately.

 

Onward and upwards,

Lisa

 

4 Reasons Why Every Kid Needs an Outlet for Self-Expression

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Creativity Alive

Hello, Readers. I was approached by my guest poster, Lauren. She inquired about writing an article for KidsAndMentalHealth.ca. I admit being both flattered and skeptical but, I was pleased with Lauren’s submission and post it here. I hope you enjoy it!

Everyone needs to have something in their life that they love to do and are good at. Far too often we see parents trying to figure out what their child loves to do, or, even worse, demanding that they partake in some sort of after-school activity in order to “do” something. However, when left to their own devices, all children will gravitate toward the things that they love to do.

And, more often than not, the things they love will develop into a special talent. Not only is this an important part of childhood development, it’s an important aspect of life for people of all ages. So, whether you child loves art, music, writing, science, sports, or fashion, the importance of unique self-expression cannot be stated enough. Read on for the top reasons why your child should be allowed to find his own way to do what he loves.

1. Builds Confidence

When a child discovers an activity that he or she loves, they will want to practice that activity as much as possible. This will lead to mastery and a huge boost of confidence for the child. Learning how to work hard toward something that they cares about, and seeing the positive results of that hard work, will bestow your child with the confidence to pursue all types of new things.

2. Reminder That Everyone is Different

During the childhood years, there can be so much pressure to do and like the same things as everyone else. But, as adults, we now know that just because the coolest girl in school loves gymnastics, it doesn’t mean that everyone else needs to like or be good at gymnastics, too. When your child has the chance to explore his own likes and dislikes, discover activities that he excels at, and become confident in those gifts, the world begins to become a broader and more accepting place in his own mind.

3. Creates Unique Personal Goals

How many times have we come across a grown adult who has only just begun to consider doing something with his life that he actually cares about? When a child has the opportunity to express and explore the things that come most naturally, he will have a head start on discovering his hidden talents and sources for future success.

4.  Reinforces Well-Rounded Development

The school system as we know it does not place much emphasis on development of creative outlets for students, and if a student does not fit in to excelling at either academics or sports, he or she runs the risk of feeling very left out.  And, even if your child loves something that is practiced in the school system, like sports, for example, he or she may not make the team. Unfortunately, these educational models do not do enough to foster the development of a well-rounded individual. Children, whether at home or in the classroom, need the opportunity to explore and develop in all areas, and finding a unique form of self-expression will allow them to do so.

By-line:

This guest post is contributed by Lauren Bailey, who regularly writes for accredited online colleges. She welcomes your comments at: blauren99 @gmail.com.